American Idol Movie Week, Snorefest

Watch out Ryan Seacrest, the king of auteur films is gunning for your job. Quentin Tarantino guested as the mentor this week for “American Idol’s” top seven. Talented director, yes. But Tarantino is less qualified than Paula Abdul to be dolling out advice to wannabe singers. Consider it stunt casting in order to boost the credibility of a week based on songs from Hollywood films.

Adding to the misguided nature of Tuesday’s show, half the judges were forced to shut their mouths come critique time. A move that basically defeated the entire purpose of “American Idol.” Without Simon Cowell’s barbs, there was no reason to pay much attention to anything happening on the screen.

Backed by an orchestra, Allison Iraheta sang her way through Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” Her voice is complimentary to Steven Tyler’s signature sound, and the spunky teen never fails to kick it up a notch as the show progresses. Certainly one of the rock group’s sappiest songs, but for the masses, it surely guaranteed Alison another week on “Idol.”

Quentin tried coaxing Anoop Desai to get guttural with Bryan Adams’ cheese-filled tune, “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You.” Of course, like any good amateur, he avoided the advice. Anoop might have been light on the ears, but he kept the Top 40 snorefest sluggishly moving along.

Just when things started dragging, “Idol’s” savior stepped in to rock the house. Adam Lambert slipped on his leather jacket and spiked his hair to get funky with “Born to be Wild.” He wailed, belted and kicked some “Idol” ass. Let’s be honest. There’s no competition this season. And things get quite amusing when Simon tries bringing the pop star down to earth every now and then.

Anyone that says they love a Bryan Adams song loses major music credibility, so when Matt Giraud continued the Adams marathon with “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” somewhere a music critic lost his wings. Keeping with the evening’s theme of mediocrity, Matt floated along without upping the ante.

Danny Gokey ditched the glasses and added a harp to his performance of Lionel Richie’s “Endless Love.” Oy, a harp. But, of all the easy listening offerings Tuesday, Danny’s touching rendition stood out from the white noise. No risks taken, but a worthy performance nonetheless.

“Falling Slowly” from the film “Once” was the best song choice Tuesday night, and Kris Allen was the lucky contestant to snag it. There is nothing big or spectacular about the melody, yet it captures everything that’s right about a Hollywood love story. Kris was straightforward with his take, and that should count for something this one time, seeing as many of his fellow contestants bored viewers to death.

Lil Rounds went by way of church choir while tackling “The Rose.” She missed an opportunity to take it full gospel, suffering the fate of Tepid Tuesday.

This week’s show, save for Adam’s performance, highlighted all that is wrong with “American Idol.” Simon can’t be blamed for thinking about ditching the show. It was a silver screen theme night, yet nearly every song was a bore. Hollywood is all about lavishness. With an endless library of classic musicals, it’s amazing that not one golden age melody found its way out of the vault Tuesday.